AIN'T NO MOUNTAIN HIGH ENOUGH........
 |
| Tammi & Marvin |
.....so sang Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell. Well let me tell you, Dulcinea and Don Legsy may as well have sung that immortal classic, 'cos we have made
Sir Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tenzing's 1953 conquering of
Everest look like a pimple on a derrier. For we have scaled
Spain's Everest - the Spanish Drivers Licence Test! This may seem of little import to you, but I can assure you that even the locals are in awe of non-Spanish speaking people achieving this feat. Why so?
 |
| Our instructor Lourdes |
There is no reciprocal recognition between Spain and Australia when it comes to DLs, so once you have been a certified resident for 6 months then you must have a Spanish licence to be covered (
Travel Tip: the International DL you get from RACV/NRMA doesn't cut it!). That means doing the complete new driving test -
medical, theory test and practical examination. Unfortunately, you cannot co-ordinate this yourself, it must be done through a recognised driving school who provide a
3-day course (8 hours each day!) that takes you through the
300 page manual. For nearly 3 months I fruitlessly phoned, emailed and visited driving schools vainly searching for someone who conducted it in English. On the day we were literally banned from driving our car, I finally found the
ONLY school in Madrid with an English speaking instructor (
Lourdes from Gala Autoescuela) and English manuals.
 |
| We can drive a TRACTOR! |
Dulcinea did the course and diligently studied the manuals, plus the
2 extra manuals of sample questions, plus the on-line sample exams. And why? Because here, when you get a
class 'B' licence, it doesn't just relate to cars, so you are tested not just on
road rules for cars, but also
motor bikes, trucks, off-road farm machinery, mopeds, and pretty much anything else that can move (yep, including
horse drawn cart!). You are also required to answer
first aid questions, questions on
vehicle maintenance (all kinds),
administrative procedures, speed limits for
ANY kind of vehicle (there are
7 different types of road!),
health and drug matters, and the list goes on - it is bizarre. And with due respect to the efforts of the authorities, the
Spanglish translation at times leaves just a tad to be desired, particularly the Q&A sections. Dulcinea passed the theory and set forth on the greatest hurdle - the practical test.
 |
| Translate this!! |
 |
| ........and this..... |
 |
| Is the answer "A"??? |
First, there's the
COMPULSORY requirement to have a
minimum 5 driving lessons. Cars in Europe are mainly
manual, and there are only 2 automatics in Madrid driving skools, so after 2 lessons with that vehicle, Dulcinea bit the bullet and decided to learn to drive manual - so not only is she climbing Everest but she's taking on
K-2 as a warm-up! And so, on 10th June Dulcinea drove out to the driving centre to face the music (
Manuel moment - driving your car to your driving test!). And here's where it gets really dicey. You stand by your car with your instructor and the other students she has taking the test. The assessor, otherwise known as a pompous little autocrat, comes over and then asks each person to answer a question on the mechanics of the vehicle -
IN SPANISH! They point blank refuse to allow your instructor to translate for you. When you do the test, your driving skool instructor sits next to you in the front but can say nothing. Behind you is
ANOTHER STUDENT who you swap with at the half way mark, as well as the assessor. Off you go, trying to decipher the little egomaniac's directions, knowing that a triviality can lead to failure. It's a genuinely nerve-wracking experience; because you are mentally translating everything, your mind races and what is normally second nature creates uncertainty.
 |
| Or Option 'D' - You barrack for Melbourne! |
 |
| Care factor???? |
 |
| Trick question!! |
Over lunch, Dulcinea was very flat - she had given of her best, but the assessor deemed she had crossed a solid white line (even if she couldn't remember it, an dnor could her instructor!). At 3.00pm, the fone rang and Dulcinea received the perfect birthday present.....despite the fault, he had conlcuded that she was an experienced driver and
passed her. My turn......
 |
| The old 'Psycho-physical state' question..... |
 |
| This is a serious question! |
 |
| Interesting - is it such a bad thing to know some basic first aid as a condition of a driving licence??? |
 |
| Trick question..... |
 |
| The answer is NOT what you think it is!! |
I managed to
fudge the medical by changing hands over the same bad eye! I wasn't going to spend Friday-Sunday in a lecture room so I chose to self study. At 8.00am the following Monday I went for the theory exam and I should have known it was going to be a bad day. The names were being called out - Jose Gonzalez, Maria Hernandez, Pedro Garcia etc etc - when for the
3rd time I heard
"Ledn Trebh Hon" and finally realised it was me. I sat at my computer station and
50 minutes later the 200 people in the room were still waiting - the
computer system shut down! I was handed a manual test paper and the questions bore no resemblance to the on-line tests! I left not feeling confident, and with good reason; the website stated
'No Apto' and
'Zero Errors' (come on down
Manuel!). All of Gala's English speaking students failed the manual test; which ones did I get wrong? They were unable to provide this information!! Back the next week and all was good (100%). So I followed the same process as Dulcinea and last Monday went through my paces. I managed to decipher the instructions for
25 minutes until the last one (
'aparcar' was the trigger word I was vainly listening for but he babbled something totally indecipherable). I guessed correctly and reversed the car into the parking space - I noticed my left wheels were positioned on the white line.
 |
| The answer is NOT "B"!! |
 |
| Crucial in knowing how to drive a car!!! |
 |
| Answer is "A". Welcome to the club if you said "B" - what else is there to do??? |
My driving 'partner' apparently committed a cardinal sin and after 10 minutes we were back at the test centre. Lourdes had a discussion with the assessor and advised me that I had
parked incorrectly and my heart sank. How could he possibly fail me for
PARKING THE CAR, IN SPAIN OF ALL PLACES!!! This country has made an art form of
CRAP PARKING!! They park across 3 spaces, across pedestrian crossings, and around roundabouts; it's
LEGAL to
DOUBLE PARK ferchrissake! Luckily, he still passed me -
OLE!!.
 |
| And they're teaching US how to park (it wasn't Lourdes)!! |
Haranguing expatriates is like some perverse blood sport for DGT assessors. The process is deplorable and makes no consideration of a person's driving experience; worse, it costs approximately
600 Euros to get it. If you want to invest in a Spanish business, I strongly recommend a driving skool!
 |
| It's not like there isn't any room to manoeuvre.. |
 |
| At least my wheels were ON the line.... |
 |
| Seriously, how could they fail you based on parking |
There are
31 million vehicles on Spanish roads and the road toll sits at around
1,500 per annum, so it's great the authorities are trying to address the matter. But when it's more important to find out if you know how to work out the age of a car (exam question!), rather than
new drivers and those who drive
passenger vehicles to have a
blood alcohol level of 0.3, or laws that allow you to put a baby capsule in the
FRONT seat, then it's easy to argue their efforts are somewhat misplaced. Australians, Americans and Asians are, quite simply, a cash cow.
 |
| Legal to park immediately adjacent to a pedestrian crossing! |
And how's this for a
Manuel moment......apart from learner drivers being able to have a blood alcohol limit of 0.3, they don't display any
'L' plate. The 'L' plate is displayed on cars in the first year for drivers who have actually got their licence. Que?? Oh yeah, we don't actually have our licences yet. We got a piece of paper that last for 3 months whilst they process everything - amazing!
 |
| Don L and the inconspicuous examination car. Talk about feeling like a goose! |
Anyway, it's all driving systems go for us now. And Dulcinea has a
MANUAL licence - gotta be happy with that.
AIN'T NO VALLEY LOW ENOUGH, AIN'T NO RIVER WIIIIIDE ENOUGH.........
