TILTING AT WINDMILLS - THE LEGSYBOYS' EURO ADVENTURE: January 2016

FROM QUIRKY TO QUINTESSENTIAL TO OFF THE WALL

It's reasonable to say that Icelanders travel to the beat of a different drum, not altogether surprising given the climactic extremes they endure. It's a cultural and social smorgasbord, has a great literary heritage (including a Nobel Prize winner Halldor Laxness in 1955), and apart from the cathedral there are no jaw dropping palaces or edifices to marvel at. Instead, the true majesty of this tiny island is the island itself - nature and all its beauty.

It's 9:30am as our Gray Line coach heads out into the darkness for an excursion into the Golden Circle. (Travel Note: All our travelling, from airport shuttles to day and night tours, has been with Gray Line and they performed brilliantly, like clockwork).

With its glaciers, lava fields and hundreds of volcanoes (30 are active), it is a genuine hotbed and one of the most geothermally active locations on the planet. There are four stops on our journey and at daybreak (it could hardly be called sunrise!) we arrive at Thringvellir National Park. Now a UNESCO World Heritage Site, it is also a national shrine, for this valley rift is where parliament (the Alpingi) convened from 930-1798.

Standing where parliament 'sat'

It is like looking at a monochrome world, but spectacularly beautiful. The valley is where the tectonic plates of Eurasia and North America meet, in fact the valley is created by the gradual separation of these plates, an amazing experience to be able to stand on that very place.

Let me tell you...it was cold!!

It truly is bitterly cold, and a polar bear coat wouldn't go astray - but, of course, there are no polar bears here (Trivia Note: this is because there is no ice floe around the Icelandic shoreline. Polar bears do appear intermittently, the last being in 2010, by floating over on ice from Greenland - this is all true!). Birds and fish aside, all animals on Iceland have been introduced by 'you know who'.

Who says there're no polar bears in Iceland!

The next stop takes our breath away, firstly because the cold is constricting our torsos,and secondly by virtue of its magnificence. Gulfoss Falls (Golden Falls) lies on the Hvita River, stands 32 metres high and water flows over it at 120,000 cubic metres per minute, making it marginally smaller in both measurements than Niagara Falls, but certainly no less spectacular. In the middle of the 20th Century consideration was given to using the waterfall for electricity generation - fortunately, sanity prevailed (Nature Fact: the water is actually the runoff from glaciers, which makes one wonder how they manage to melt in the middle of winter, although I'm sure Al Gore has a theory!).

The pathway to the viewing plateau that hangs over the falls is chained off due to safety concerns - needless to say, that doesn't stop numerous imbeciles from ignoring the sign and standing on the ledge (Don L learnt his lesson the day before!!).

Imbeciles

It's lucky Dulcinea has an orange windcheater on, otherwise it would be difficult to identify that our photos are in colour. (Trivia Fact: British band Echo And The Bunnymen feature Gulfoss Falls on the cover of their 'Porcupine' album. Unfortunately the conditions precluded us from getting as close).

Five minutes down the road we arrive at the Haukadalur geothermal area. First documented in 1294 and caused by earthquakes, this is the location of over 40 hot springs, fumeroles, mud pots and geysers. the two largest being Geysir (the English word 'geyser' derives from it - no, Yellowstone didn't come first!) and Strokkur. Although Geysir's eruptions are rare these days, Strokkur erupts with regularity, spurting out water at 110C every 5-10 minutes up to a height of 15-20 metres.

As long as you are upwind, you can stand within 5 metres of its exit valve and watch it bubble and explode, an amazing experience (Aimee had a near escape when, literally 5 seconds after she walked away, Strokkur erupted and sent spray upwind and over the somewhat surprised bystanders!!).

Dulcinea brings new meaning to snow boots

Our final stop on the way back is one of Iceland's holiest places, Skalholt Church, the ancient seat of the Icelandic Bishops, and recognised as the centre of learning, culture and worldly power for the Church Of Iceland; in it's basement are the coffins of bishops dating back to 1211.

Next to the church stands Porlaksbud, a reconstructed medieval farmhouse, and a cemetery out the back (Trivia Note: At Christmas, Icelanders don't just decorate houses, trees and streets, they also decorate and place lights on graves!). It goes without saying that this tiny church is surrounded by magnificent scenery.

....white...

We get back to find that the inclement weather has called of the NL tour again - no need to panic, we've still got one more night up our sleeves! The kids aren't too adventurous when it comes to food, so for dinner, instead of trying some of the local delicacies such as plokkfiskur (boiled and mashed cod and potatoes) or hakari (fermented shark), we end up in Hamborgarafabrikkan, Reykjavik's premier gourmet hamburger outlet whose claim to fame is a square bun (woohoo!).

Tallest tower in the city with burger joint on ground floor

Don L has a crack at the local brew, Viking Lager - light but OK. Interestingly, the country is so minute in population that inside the restaurant they keep an up-to-date tally of the country's population!

Next morning we're enveloped in darkness once again as our coach heads towards one of those listed natural wonders - the Blue Lagoon, a geothermal spa in the middle of basalt lava fields.

Sitting in hot tubs and spas could well be the Icelandic national sport, and it's truly surreal to plunge into the 40C steamy, blue water whilst the outside air temperature is zero, and if disrobing before entering the pool was a shock, then it was nothing compared to getting out! The lagoon is fed by water from the nearby geothermal plant (the smell of sulphur is ever present and because of the mineral content is completely changed every two days) where the water vents from underground at 240C (Environmental Fact: Iceland's hot water system is directly sourced from underground and actually cooled down to 60C...amazing).

The lagoon has a bar with in-water service (very civilised), there are saunas and spas, and to reinvigorate the skin tone there are pots of white silica around the pool for those wishing to apply a face mask - for obvious reasons, Don L has no need of such help! It's an immersive, brilliant experience.

Don L actually went in!

I wonder if they can see us out the window

We get back to find that our NL tour is - ON!! There's time to wander into the city centre once more for dinner (Italian - ho hum) and observe more of the peculiarities of this great little place. Incredibly, Icelanders still eat whale meat and, if you get my drift, I reckon there's more than just weather behind the annual migration to north Africa of the beautiful little puffin!

As close as we got to see the little fellas

Where else on earth is there likely to find the Icelandic Phallalogical Museum - the Penis Museum (!!!),

and is there anywhere else where one can still get away with blatant sexist labelling.

For reasons that escape me, sheets of corrugated iron appear to be the building material of choice for houses,

graffiti and wall murals are in abundance,

knitting is a national pastime (for men and women),

Compulsory wear for Icelanders

Woollen shoes!

and fashion clearly jettisons practicality.

It's 10:00pm as our guide tells us about Aurora Borealis, without question the greatest and most elusive of the world's natural wonders.

Postcard

There are certain requirements for this unpredictable spectacle to occur: it can only be seen from October to March - tick; it is best viewed in total darkness, e.g. the countryside away from city auras - we're in the middle of nowhere, so tick; a cloudless sky is essential - we can vividly see constellations only visible in the northern hemisphere including Ursa Major (including the Big Dipper) and Minor (including Polaris, the North Star), as well as Orion (including its nebula) and even the Milky Way, so tick;

a solar flare is essential, and a huge event occurred two nights earlier, thus making NOW the perfect time, so - tick; ladies and gentlemen, we have the perfect Northern Lights storm (or so our guide said). Then the qualifiers: it's impossible to predict the unpredictable; SLR cameras on long time exposure greatly exaggerate the colours (but it is always green), but of course they cannot show the stunning movement of the lights; moreover, SLR cameras can detect the lights when the naked eye can't. During the first hour, our guide believes the lights are flickering on the horizon but not in view of the naked eye - Don L takes a couple of haphazard time exposures to find that the guide is CORRECT!

So near and yet.....

We head off for a short 'pitstop' and then return for another session of standing expectantly in sub-zero temperatures, forlornly staring at the distant horizon (by now, admiring the glittering stars has slightly worn off!). It's 1:00am and time to leave, unfulfilled. Surprisingly, everybody on the coach is remarkably philosophical (Travel Note: Gray Line hold open your ticket for two years during which time you can go repeatedly until you see them), and whilst the LegsyBoys are disappointed, we had a heck of a time chasing them. And besides, it turns out we DID see them, we just didn't know it at the time! If you have seen Aurora Borealis then you are one lucky person....maybe one day.

Maybe next time

Iceland is different, in ways you can barely believe, but are all absolutely true....talk about egalitarian, all Icelanders address everyone by their first name irrespective of that person's age or social standing (e.g. school teachers are called by their christian names!) and they are listed by first name in the telephone directory; all entries in the phone book also list the person's profession, and there is no onus of proof, and so in the current edition there are (among lots of others) three alien tamers, nine sorcerers and two hen whisperers; Icelanders use patronyms and so all members of the same family have different surnames; there is a formal government Name Committee that approves (or refuses) christian names, thus weeding out and banning the Apples and Tiger Lilys and Moon Unit IIs (or their Icelandic equivalent), which doesn't really explain why Bjork and Satan are OK; it is a government edict that all people are referred to as "men" and use the pronoun "he" regardless of the situation, e.g. even if the prime minister was a woman, any reference would be to "he" - wrap that around your funny bone all you feminists out there; Icelanders never apologise, say 'excuse me', and interject into others conversation as a matter of course. And what about Christmas?

Ever heard of the Yule Lads? They're 13 trolls (each with specific characteristics and zany names such as Sheep Worrier, Spoon Licker, Pot Licker, Bowl Licker, Door Slammer, Sausage Stealer, Window Peeper, and Door Sniffer) who take turns visiting children during the 13 nights before Christmas. Children leave a shoe in their bedroom window in the hope they will receive a present - if they've misbehaved they get a potato!